In October, 2008, I screened a rough edit of my film "My Rockstar" at Crossing Festival, Caochangdi Workstation, Beijing. The film was mostly about my relationship with my Chinese boyfriend, (the "rockstar"), but it also included thoughts on my life living in an independent art studio in a new and upcoming art district in Beijing. It examined my life from the position of my own body, keeping the camera close to me always to film how I saw the world aroudn me from my own personal position. I landed completely randomly into a whole different world- i didn't even know how to say "ni hao" when I was engulfed in a completely Chinese world. The filmmaker who is my mentor likes to say that I dropped out of the sky. I had no foreign friends, and for the first half year I hardly saw another western face. The film was well received, but I decided not to focus so much on my "rockstar" and to focus more on my everyday life. Thus began the editing of the second version, what I like to refer to as my "My Long March".
Since January I have been editing on the 3rd floor of my parent's house in the US. I am trying to focus my 300 hours of footage to address 2 questions in the film: 1. Who am I?, and, 2. What is Chinese, as I experience it?
I don't like putting films into categories, but I am trying to make a "Personal Documentary". My film attempts to document and reflect on my life, as well as to reflect on the process of making films in the first place, which is mostly what I think about and how I look at a lot of things. The film isn't just about me, but I think it must come from my personal "position". This position is always changing, as more stories and experiences and time goes by. It has been scary to say the least at how fast I change... there is no way to keep up with time.
As I filmed this film over the last 2 years in Beijing, I kept thinking about how I could use my video camera like I would use a pen to write a journal. I've found that it is much easier to reflect and document through writing than through filmmaking. The biggest difference is that you can write it all down at the end of the day, by which point you have prioritized the details in your mind, letting the unimportant information slide away. You cannot, however, film it all at the end of the day, and you never know which details are important as life is playing out.
Due to this simple fact, I have been sifting through a couple hundred hours of footage this winter. It's frightening. I avoid the process when I can, making a blog for myself (welcome!) and adding clutter to my life whenever possible. The film will premiere in May at Caochangdi Workstation, in Beijing.
